CATEGORIES: BOOK BLOG POSTS, BOOK REVIEWS, NON-FICTION, MEMOIR
ABOUT THE BOOK
TITLE: I’M GLAD MY MOM DIED
AUTHOR: JENNETTE MCCURDY
GENRES: NON-FICTION, MEMOIR
PUBLISHER: SIMON & SCHUSTER AUDIO
PUBLISHING DATE: 8/9/2022
FORMAT: AUDIOBOOK
NARRARION: JENNETTE MCCURDY
LENGTH: 6 HOURS, 26 MINUTES
SOURCE: SELF-PURCHASED
GOODREADS summary
My Thoughts:
I’d seen Jennette McCurdy being interviewed on a series of podcasts and shows where’d she talk about her struggles with mental health and how she approached recovery. Somehow, even before I knew what her memoir was about, I knew I would like it.
Her candor and authenticity were apparent – a trait I deeply admire.
It was clear this former child-actress wasn’t “acting” anymore.
Despite this, I originally didn’t want to touch this book with a ten-foot pole. The provocative title “I’m Glad My Mom Died” stirred up a whole flurry of emotions within me.
Around the time this book was stirring up a buzz, my own mom (who I’d loved deeply) passed away. However, now I’m ready to share my thoughts.
So, was I shocked by Jennette’s story?
Regrettably, no.
We’ve heard countless times how badly the parents of child actors behave. How horrible fame at a young age can take a toll on their mental health.
What I was shocked by, however, was her wit and candor about some pretty horrendous stuff.
She portrayed her mother’s personality so vividly that I felt like I’d known the woman. I was also blown away by her cojones to speak on such tough subjects. She must truly have had a “IDGAF” moment and it must’ve been glorious to be in that headspace.
Let’s discuss.
JENNETTE MCCURDY’S MOM WAS A NARCISSIST
Jennette’s mom, Debra McCurdy, desperately wanted to be an actress, but she never got her chance. So, when she saw an opportunity for Jennette, she sweetly asked her, “do you want to be mommy’s little actress?”
Jennette was a doll she could dress up and send on auditions, and live out her dreams vicariously.
It mattered little that Jennette lacked a genuine passion for acting or that she internalized rejection harshly, often feeling inadequate when compared to other girls who were deemed ‘prettier,’ a perception that gnawed at her self-esteem.
“I was conditioned to believe any boundary I wanted was a betrayal of her, so I stayed silent. Cooperative.”
JENNETTE MCCURDY’S DAD WAS EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE
It’s easy to pin all the blame on her mom, and trust me, most of it does lie with her. The abuse she inflicted on her daughter was horrible. However, there’s a part of me that can’t shake off the feeling that the other adults in her life, especially her father, had a responsibility to step in.
Jennette wrote of her attempts to connect, but always getting little in return. Whether this stemmed from a lack of concern or fear of his wife remains unclear. Nonetheless, it’s crucial to acknowledge that witnessing abuse and choosing to stay silent can be equally harmful.
Confronted with the choice between toxic attention and no attention, Jennette resigned herself to her mother’s overpowering presence, allowing her to dominate her decisions.
“Men, they’ll hurt you without ever really knowing you,” she often told me. “But women… women will know you deeply, intimately, and then hurt you. You tell me which is worse.”
JENNETTE MCCURDY HAS A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD
Teenagers often fret over their bodies, and for Jennette, this anxiety was exacerbated by her mother’s obsession with keeping her daughter’s frame petite and doll-like. After all, dolls are compliant; they don’t argue, and more importantly, they can secure lucrative acting jobs.
Having an authority figure slapping carbs out of your hand and calling you fat whenever you gained weight could make even the strongest person develop a complex. But Jennette was just an impressionable child. As you might expect, this environment fostered severe eating disorders.
JENNETTE MCCURDY’S RELATIONSHIP TO ACTING
The abuse Jennette suffered came not only from her mother but also from others within the industry, so-called “adults” with egos so fragile they seemed to take pleasure in intimidating and exploiting children.
Furthermore, Jennette never truly connected with the roles she was given. She was conditioned to think she enjoyed acting, while internally she was miserable.
“So much of my life felt so out of control for so long. And I’m done with that being my reality. I want my life to be in my hands. Not an eating disorder’s or a casting director’s or an agent’s or my mom’s. Mine.”
JENNETTE MCCURDY’S ROAD TO RECOVERY
A pattern often seen in individuals who have endured abuse is a tendency to gravitate towards relationships that mirror the toxicity they escaped. It struck me as ironic that it was a co-dependent and unhealthy relationship that finally led Jennette to seriously pursue therapy.
Additionally, I admired her candor in acknowledging the bumpy journey towards recovery. There is no quick fix for the deep-seated scars left by psychological abuse.
Her emotional transformation from being “mommy’s little actress” to a woman scripting her own life story was particularly moving to me. Kudos to her.
“SLIPS ARE TOTALLY NORMAL. When you have a slip, it’s just that. A slip. It doesn’t define you. It doesn’t make you a failure. The most important thing is that you don’t let that slip become a slide,”
In conclusion, I loved the memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died”. It was sad. It makes me sad even writing this review, but I think it’s important that people who’ve experienced having a narcissistic parent read this and realize why it’s so important to get help.
Have you read this memoir or do you have any thoughts you’d like to share? Feel free to leave a comment below. Happy Reading!
I really want to read this book because I am glad, she was able to express what happened to her.
I felt like her recovery felt very realistic. She admitted to not being fully healed and having slides which I think is more inspiring because it’s really how recovery works. Hope u enjoy the book.